Non-Attachment: Therapeutics for Downsizing
Soon half of the world’s population will be over 65 outnumbering every other generation combined. This demographic shift, as the population ages, not only stresses our already fragile healthcare system, but it also influences how we deal with our ‘stuff.’
Our stuff, or material possessions, accumulates as we age. It's not the lamps and dishes that are the problem, it's the emotional attachment to it all. Many times, children of older adults do not want the sentimental items from their parents house. This means that a therapeutic lens of ‘let go and let grow’ needs to be engaged.
ReM(i) Culture addresses the emotional connection behind the difficulty in downsizing in daily life. Stitches number 7 and 8 from The Bucket and The Stone are pivotal to the ReM(i) philosophy for a high quality of life.
We believe that it is through our material objects that we can learn to break and grow to enhance our mental health. A practice of non-attachment educates our internal executive director on how to let go of the emotions that we do not want, and how to make good decisions about the people that we want to be.
Non-Attachment Therapy (NAT) supports people of all ages including becoming-seniors, older adults and young adults moving into early adulthood, to let go of what worked in the past, and join themselves in the present tense and their chosen future. NAT Practitioner Chana Kaff joined the ReM(i) Collaborative in 2024. “I’ve done downsizing and organizing for years, and I implemented NAT because I saw people throwing out things they needed/wanted and having regret, OR keeping too much and then having me come back, OR needing to re-organize again and again rather than making deep and meaningful lasting change.”
Kaff and her team understands what it means to go from a large home to a small apartment. One, 10-minute introductory Telehealth with Kaff and her Team and you will know from the smile and easy laugh, that she is also living that ReM(i) Sparkly Life!
The rapid growth as adults age from 2010 to 2020 is a significant demographic shift that has not been observed in over 100 years.
With an increase of 15.5 million people aged 65 and above, this decade experienced the largest-ever numeric gain in the elderly population as life expectancy increases.
This spike is even more remarkable when compared to previous decades, where the next largest numeric increase between 1980 and 1990 was less than half the size.
Moreover, the percentage increase in the older population's share of the total population also reached record levels during this period, as death rates decline. The proportion of individuals aged 65 and above rose from 13.0% to 16.8%, marking the largest-ever percentage-point increase in just a ten-year span.
To put this into perspective, it took a whole fifty years from 1960 to 2010 for the older population's share to grow by a similar number of percentage points. These statistics highlight not only the sheer numeric growth but also the accelerated rate at which our society is aging, putting pressure on social security and the other insubstantial services.
The spike in growth within the population structure during this decade underscores important social and economic implications for our society moving forward. It emphasizes the need for policies and programs to support this growing demographic, including healthcare systems.
The aging population is a global phenomenon that affects virtually every country in the world and their health care systems. As people are living longer and fertility rates decline, the number and proportion of older persons in the population are increasing. This demographic shift is poised to become one of the most significant social transformations of the twenty-first century, impacting various sectors of society.
Population ageing has implications for labor and financial markets. With a larger proportion of older individuals, there will be a decreased number of working-age individuals, leading to potential labor shortages and strains on pension systems.
Additionally, demand for goods and services catering to older persons such as housing, transportation, and social protection will increase. This calls for policy adjustments to ensure adequate resources and support for this growing segment of the population.
Older persons should not be viewed only as recipients but also as contributors to development. Their knowledge, skills, and experiences can be harnessed to benefit both themselves and society.
Policies and programs at all levels need to incorporate their active participation in decision-making processes. However, with an increasing ageing population comes fiscal challenges for countries in relation to public systems of healthcare, pensions, and social protections.
Governments will face pressures in ensuring sustainable funding for these systems given the growing demand for services by older persons.
As older adults need more assistance, many times they downsize and move into a smaller home attached to their children, into senior housing, or a long term care facility. This life transition engages a certain amount of non-attachment.
The problem is that if late-stage seniors are forced to make a change in living situation they become more attached by speaking about a home they do not live in, a car that they do not drive or a job that is completed.
ReM(i)'s goal is to empower and engage seniors in this transition rather than allowing for a victimization by a family system, change in health status or financial status change.
Decluttering
Decluttering can be a daunting task, but it is essential aspects of life for creating a peaceful and organized living space. The 30 greatest decluttering tips of all time provide valuable insights that can help individuals in their journey towards a clutter-free home. These tips guide people on how to curate their belongings, let go of unnecessary items, and maintain an environment that sparks joy and happiness.
The process of decluttering involves editing one's home, much like editing a piece of writing. It requires careful consideration of the objects we own and determining whether they truly serve us or bring value to our lives. By going through this process, we gradually strip away the excess and are left with only the essentials that contribute to our well-being and contentment.
However, it is important to note that decluttering is not a one-time task; rather, it is an ongoing practice and even a daily routine. As our lives continue to change and evolve, so does our need for certain items to maintain a balanced life. Therefore, it becomes crucial to periodically assess our possessions and reassess their relevance and usefulness in order to maintain an organized space. The effort put into decluttering is well worth it in the end when we find ourselves surrounded by only those things that bring us happiness and satisfaction.
Many of us have experienced the dilemma of holding on to something just because we feel like it would be a waste of money to buy it again in the future. However, what we often fail to realize is that there is a cost associated with keeping these things. The physical space they occupy in our homes or offices comes at a premium, and we end up sacrificing valuable storage space for items that may not even be used frequently.
Decluttering Your Home
Not only does keeping unnecessary things take up physical space, but it also requires mental space. We have to spend time organizing and maintaining these items, constantly trying to remember where we put them and ensuring they are stored properly.
This process can quickly become time-consuming and overwhelming, especially when the clutter accumulates and becomes messy. The effort involved in managing and maintaining these possessions becomes burdensome, ultimately costing us more than if we had just let go of them in the first place.
In essence, it is important for us to consider whether an item is truly worth the time, effort, and resources required to keep it. By evaluating the actual value and necessity of our possessions, we can make informed decisions about what is worth holding onto and what should be let go. In doing so, we free ourselves from the burden of unnecessary clutter and free up mental space along with the physical.
Techniques for Decluttering Without Emotion
Nonattachment, or detachment, is a concept that holds great importance and significance in various philosophies and religions. It is seen as a virtue that allows individuals to overcome their emotional attachments and desires for worldly concerns.
In Eastern religions such as Hinduism, Jainism, Taoism, and Buddhism, nonattachment is considered an essential practice for attaining a higher level of consciousness and reaching spiritual enlightenment. The principle of nonattachment emphasizes the idea of releasing oneself from desire, which is seen as the root cause of suffering.
In Buddhist and Hindu texts, attachment is viewed as the main obstacle towards leading a peaceful and fulfilled life. By detaching oneself from material possessions, personal ambitions, and even relationships, individuals can cultivate a sense of inner peace and freedom. This state of nonattachment allows them to transcend the limitations imposed by external circumstances and attain a heightened perspective on life.
In Jainism, detachment is considered one of the supreme ideals alongside non-violence. Jains adhere to the practice of non-possession or non-attachment as one of their five great vows. By renouncing attachment to material possessions and worldly desires, Jains believe they can achieve purity of mind and soul. This commitment to detachment enables them to live a life free from greed, possessions and objects having control over the inner self.
Attachment refers to the strong emotional bond or identification that individuals form with certain people, things, or ideas. It is a natural human tendency to become attached to various aspects of our lives, whether it be relationships, material possessions, or personal identities. However, practicing non-attachment involves consciously letting go of these attachments and cultivating a sense of detachment and acceptance towards impermanence.
Attachment to material things
The problem with attachment lies in its ability to restrict our growth and limit our experiences. When we are attached to a particular label or identity, such as identifying as "a runner," it can prevent us from exploring new activities or making changes for our well-being. In the example given, the individual's attachment to being a runner hindered their ability to move and care for their body in different ways.
Non-attachment allows us the freedom to adapt and evolve as circumstances change. By detaching ourselves from rigid attachments, we open ourselves up to new opportunities and possibilities that may bring greater fulfillment and contentment in life.
Emotional Attachments to Objects
Attachments are often seen as negative, as they can lead to suffering and disappointment when things don't go as planned.
However, attachments also provide a sense of identity and purpose in our lives.
We attach ourselves to certain outcomes or material possessions because we believe that they define us or bring us happiness.
For example, we may seek validation from others through the number of followers on social media or feel a sense of accomplishment by reaching a certain income level.
Our attachment to our bodies and appearance is another common aspect of human life. Society places great emphasis on physical beauty and youthfulness, leading many individuals to attach their self-worth to their looks.
Whether it's obtaining the ideal weight or having perfect hair, these attachments stem from a deep need for acceptance and recognition.
Beliefs can also become powerful attachments that shape our identities. Our political views, for instance, can become intertwined with our sense of self, causing us to hold onto them strongly even in the face of evidence that challenges our beliefs. Similarly, self-limiting beliefs about our abilities or worthiness can prevent personal growth and fulfillment.
Ultimately, what we are attached to is not simply the external object or outcome itself but rather our ego's identification with it. By recognizing our attachments and questioning their influence we can better self (i)dentify with our own inner locus of control, avodah or purpose and meaning in life.
Hoarding is a diagnosis and disorder included in the DSM-5. Hoarding disorder is a complex psychological condition that involves persistent difficulty in discarding possessions. Those with hoarding disorder strongly believe that they need to save and keep their belongings, leading to significant distress when faced with the idea of getting rid of them. As a result, they gradually accumulate a massive number of items, often regardless of their actual value.
Hoarding Disorder
The consequences of hoarding disorder are often readily apparent in the living conditions of those who suffer from it. Their homes become extremely cluttered and cramped, with narrow pathways winding through stacks upon stacks of clutter.
Countertops, sinks, stoves, desks, and even stairways are usually piled high with various objects and belongings, rendering these spaces unusable for their intended purposes. This overwhelming accumulation of possessions greatly impairs an individual's ability to properly function within their home environment.
Intergenerational Trauma
ReM(i) recognizes that this condition can stem from intergenerational and historical trauma, especially with displaced peoples, migratory peoples and cultures facing intergenerational atrocities. Intergenerational trauma is a phenomenon that occurs when the effects of trauma experienced by one generation are transferred to subsequent generations.
This transfer can happen through various means, including the transmission of behaviors, beliefs, attitudes, or even biological changes. For example, survivors of events such as war, genocide, or systemic oppression may pass down their trauma to their children or grandchildren, often impacting their mental and emotional well-being.
The consequences of intergenerational trauma can manifest in a variety of ways. Descendants of survivors of a traumatic experience or natural disasters, may exhibit symptoms similar to those who directly experienced the traumatic event. This can include heightened anxiety, depression, flashbacks, hypervigilance, and difficulty forming secure attachments. Furthermore, individuals affected by intergenerational trauma may also inherit negative coping mechanisms and maladaptive patterns that were used by their ancestors as a way to survive past traumas. Understanding and addressing intergenerational trauma is crucial in breaking these harmful cycles and promoting healing for both past and future generations.
ReM(i)'s downsizing non-attachment therapeutic services are overseen by licensed therapists. We review all cases regardless of complexity and have compassion for those who are suffering. Please consider ReM(i) for your emotional transitions while downsizing, support while decluttering, assistance with transitions for older adults, and of course to enhance your personal practice of non-attachment.
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Our goal is to use the information we collect to schedule a conversation about your current situation and explore how we can best assist you. We look forward to connecting with you and finding solutions that meet your needs.
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